American Girl

She waits another week to fall apart...

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. ~ Thomas Paine

Who wants to see a photo of a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL born today?



AB's been renamed Hope.  Awwwwwwww!!!!!!

posted by: rustymadgal at 16:39 | link | comments (42) |

So Ryan and I were driving home from his very last day of work this morning when I looked at the clock and said "Do you realize that by this time tomorrow, we're going to be PARENTS!"  How crazy is that?  I mean...they'll just let anyone have a kid, won't they?  Doesn't it seem like there should be a very long and extensive application process?  Lots and lots of red tape?  I suppose that technically you could call it a nine month waiting period, but not really, because I happen to think that the ride starts the moment you see two lines on the stick and start frantically wondering about all the unhealthy things you may have done in the past two weeks.  Argh!  Green Beer!  (Sorry AB!)

 

I literally pulled an all nighter.  I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.  In fact, I'm having a hard time just sitting here and writing this, because every few minutes I just need to get up and pace the floor a little.  Nervous energy.  Ten thousand thoughts and hopes and fears.  Ten thousand of each.  My doctor was wise enough to give me a nice prescription sleeping pill for tonight.  Sheesh, I wonder if I'll need it?  I can tell Ryan didn't sleep either, because he came home and crashed pretty quickly.  But first we stopped for breakfast, and the person who seated us asked when the baby was due, and I was able to say "Tomorrow morning".  This makes people look at us like we're crazy.  Why is that?  Should we stay close to home, boiling water or something? 

 

It does feel like we should be doing something spectacular on this, our last day as "just" a couple.  But it feels right to just be doing normal things.  Him taking a nap to recover from a 24 hour shift, me sitting here typing my nonsense to my Motime friends.  We'll probably go out to lunch.  We'll go to Best Buy and buy a new camera.  Heck, we'll probably even go out to dinner.  My kitchen is so immaculate, I don't want anyone cooking in it.  And besides, we can.  We can come and go as we please, with little thought or planning.  Oh boy.  Am I going to miss these deliciously selfish days too much?  We have thoroughly enjoyed them, and I guess that's something.

 

You're all going to poo-poo this, but it needs to be said.  I'm terrified that I'm going to die on the operating room table.  (I know.  I KNOW!!)  There's absolutely no reason to think that my surgery will be anything but routine, and I know thousands of women give birth, many in less than ideal conditions, every day.  You don't have to tell  me any of that, I'm not looking for reassurance.  I just don't like to leave things unsaid.  So know this, Motime friends.  You're all so special to me.  You've seen me through some of my lowest lows, you've cheered me through some of my highest highs, and you've become an important part of my day to day life, which was a completely unexpected treasure that I stumbled upon one day.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 11:35 | link | comments (22) |

The Happy News: 

Ryan's brother got engaged on Thanksgiving.   I'm so excited and happy for them!  I wish I was there when it happened, because apparently it was quite a scene.  He actually spoke to her parents first - so old fashioned, right?  Asking for their daughter's hand in marriage?  Then together they came up with this elaborate plan involving the ring being stuffed into the turkey on Thanksgiving, with her family all gathered around.  Her father was carving the turkey and did a whole "What's this?" production, wondering out loud if mom had consumed too many cocktails while stuffing the bird as he pulled out the box with the ring in it.  I'm sure I'm not telling it right, but as we heard it, it was an excellent story.  Stuff that romantic chick flix are made of. 

 

Then the coolest part, on our Thanksgiving Friday, his brother told us that he thought he would never settle down and get married, but that we had inspired him.  How cool is that?  To have your marriage be a good example for other people is really special.  And behind him, his new fiance with the shiny ring on her finger was mouthing "THANK YOU!!" to us.  Hee hee.

 

The Less Than Happy News:

Things are not right with my mom.  This became very apparent when she threw the F-Bomb at my brother on Thanksgiving.  You'd have to know her, I suppose, to know that this is very, very out of character for her.  So much so that she realized it herself, and cried immediately after.  The easy part is that her irritability is a side effect of a drug that she's taking post chemo.  The hard part is that she has to take it for five years, and she's so not herself that she's not seeing that there are alternatives, other treatments that can help her weather the storm of side effects.   The worse part is that I'm afraid she's starting to self medicate, with alcohol.   There, I said it.  I know in my heart that she'll be ok, but I just need to get it out of my head.  So there it is; Patooey.

 

The Sucky News:

Ryan's truck was stolen last night.  AAUURGH!   So frustrating.  He was out with some of the guys from his house, kind of a farewell because today's his last day at his current house.  Wait, what's that sound?  Oh right, it's me...sobbing.  It's his last day there!  Anyway, the truck is gone, along with my digital camera, which was in the glove compartment, and his tools, his massive first aid kit which is just a bear to replace, and the timing is just really sucky, don't you think?  Our insurance company is going to drop us for sure.  Let's see...Truck #1: crushed by the twin towers, Truck #2: totaled in an accident, Truck #3: {Poof!} Gone.   That boy does not have good luck with vehicles.  Now poor AB can't go to college, because we're going to be spending all of our money on car insurance.  Oh well, I guess we needed a more family friendly vehicle, right?  Better to not start looking at the bright side yet though, because the moment I do, they'll find his truck stripped and battered on the shores of Sheepshead Bay or something, and we'll be stuck with it.

 

All of this prior news takes away from the story I really wanted to tell you today, which involved the fact that I saw Jesus in a tree Friday night, and he saved my life.  No, really!  But if I tell it after spewing all that drama, it wouldn't be as powerful as it should be, so I'll save it for another time.

 

Two more days...two more days....two more days....

posted by: AmericanGirl at 13:56 | link | comments (5) |

I'm sorry.  I'm SO sorry.  But it just needs to be said...

 

SHITGODDAMNHELLFUCK!!!

 

It's just been that kind of weekend.  From now on, I'll be rated PG.  Honest.

 

P.S. - Everything's fine.   And I'm STILL pregnant!

posted by: AmericanGirl at 23:28 | link | comments (11) |

All the updates that are fit to print:

 

As I mentioned briefly, I've been sick.  Officially, I have bronchitis, but since the baby was making it difficult to take deep breaths with healthy lungs, what I really have is some horrible lung squeezing disease that had me in the hospital sucking on oxygen for a day and a night. 

 

As a result of that, I missed the fancy shmancy wedding!  Good thing I didn't run out and spend $300 on the dress you all loved, right? 

 

AB has flipped back again to breech, so I'm having a c-section.  It's officially scheduled for Nov 30th, which is one week from today.  One more week!  Can you believe it!?

 

I'm ok with having a c-section this time around.  Mostly ok.  Ok, at the moment I'm ok, but I reserve the right to moan and cry about it at some point in the not to distant future.  If someone were planning on cutting your belly open to take a person out, you'd moan too.

 

Due to the aforementioned illness and it's accompanying cough, I'm officially on maternity leave.   That's right - I have no work to do!  It's killing me.  Absolutely killing me.  I can't stop checking my email, and my phone keeps ringing that little half ring that tells me people are calling.  How do I stop?  I don't even have to be here at my computer today, and yet, here I am.  I swear, I'm just waiting for Ryan to wake up, then I'll walk away.  Really. 

 

We're officially ready for AB.  Even the Christmas tree is up and decorated.  (Criminal, I know!)  All that's left to do is some general disinfecting.  And the installing of the carseat.   Oh, I have to pack my hospital bag.  Crap, ok there's a few things to do, but nothing major.

 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

Friday is our second Thanksgiving (Ryan's family) and my last Lamaze class, and then the weekend - so if you don't hear from me until next week, I'm NOT off having a baby (knock on wood!).  November 30th - you are officially not allowed to pace the floor until November 30th!

 

I'm Thankful for all my Motime friends.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 11:17 | link | comments (14) |

The Quiet Moment
by Nancy White Carlstrom

 

When the table is cleared,
     and we've had enough
And the cooks sit down,
     put their feet way up.
There's a short short time
    when it gets real still.
Of  good food and good fun
     we have had our fill.

 

Listen then, you will hear
     plump babies on laps,
Snoring uncles, one aunt
     by the fire take naps.
Little dog curled up,
     big one stretched out,
Only whispers and sighs
     and not one shout.

 

It doesn't last long,
     but it plays a part.
It's good for the home.
It's good for the heart.

 

The quiet moment.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 10:43 | link | comments (2) |

Hi!  I've been sick all weekend, but I'm still here, and still pregnant. 

 

Is this where the term "Pregnant Pause" came from? 

posted by: AmericanGirl at 10:44 | link | comments (9) |

Thursday Poetry

 

A segment from the book "I Want to Be Somebody New"

by Robert Lopshire

 

But I'm renaming it  (Because I can)

 

On Being Pregnant

 

Now I want to be
somebody new.
So here's a trick
I'll show to you!

 

Ready!  Get set now.
One, two, three...

 

Now look and tell me
what you see.

 

An elephant
is what we see!
Why, you are as big
as big can be!

 

But being that big
cannot be fun.
Say!  You must weigh
at least a ton!

 

You cannot walk
up on this fence...
or squeeze between
these circus tents.

 

The door of your house
is now too small.
You can't get through
that door at all!

 

You can't go here.
You can't go there.
You can't go
much of anywhere!

 

You cannot sit
in your old chair.
Your new rear end
won't fit in there!
You're very big.
You're very fat.
We do not care
for you like that...

 

posted by: AmericanGirl at 14:02 | link | comments (12) |

Please

 

Try this

 

It's a crazy optical illusion.  I solemnly swear that nothing is going to jump out and scare you.  I know, I know, I've done that before.  But you have my word, really!  I promise.

 

After you try it, please explain to me how it works.  How does the pink dot turn green?  Why do they all disappear?  Why am I still dizzy?

posted by: AmericanGirl at 16:21 | link | comments (5) |

My weekend, in a picture:

Is anyone else totally sick of leaves?  Bring on the snow and the isolation and the long, quiet, stay-indoors winter.  I don't even have to work or anything!  Bring it on.

 

I've had a few contractions, and really at this point, they're welcome.  I'm ready to get this show on the road.  I've gotten a lot of advice on how to "naturally" start labor.  Here's a sample:

 

1) Have Sex.  Twice.  You have to do it twice for it to work.

 

2)  Nipple stimulation.  With or without #1

 

3) Walking/Waddling

 

4)  Something called black or blue cohosh.  It's an herb.

 

5) Eat spicy food

 

6)  Eat macaroni and cheese with A1 steak sauce in it.  (Gross!!)

 

7) Eat some salad from some restaurant in L.A., which my friend has offered to ship to me.  They swear it send you into labor within 24 hours.

 

8)  Drink castor oil

 

I'm too tired to do any of those things!  If I fall asleep, maybe I could wake up in a month or two and the baby will be here waiting for me.  Waaah!

 

We took the kids to see "Chicken Little" over the weekend.  My nephew made it through 20 minutes before he'd had enough.  There were literally 30 minutes of commercials and previews - how can that expect a kid to sit through all that, before a two hour movie?  I have a theory that Disney works it's employees so hard that they can't possibly have time to have lives outside of work, and therefore, they are all childless.  This explains why they know nothing of their target audience.  Seriously, what kid who's there to see "Chicken Little" needs to sit through a very intense preview of "King Kong"?  What are they thinking?

 

So, my nephew and I went out to lunch to wait for the others, who wanted to stay and watch the movie.  And we talked about the baby, and he asked if I was going to bring the baby to Grandma's house sometimes, and I said yes.  Then he said that that's ok, but he doesn't want to share his Legos or his Rescue Heroes with the baby.  I told him that that was ok, and he said that he didn't really want a new baby around.

 

Well break my heart, why don't you?

 

Please don't say that he's only four and he's just saying what all four year olds would say in his situation.  I know that.  It doesn't make it any less heart-rending.

 

Ugh.  I'm so tired of this roller coaster.  I'm going to have sex.  Twice.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 14:14 | link | comments (9) |

Stop the presses! 

 

Something has made me happy.  Really!  I checked, I'm still pregnant, but this strange feeling of euphoria is coming over me.  Something I've not felt since....

 

I don't know.  It's a simple thing, really.  Hot cocoa.  But not just ANY hot cocoa.  Behold, the wonder:

It's from Williams-Sonoma.  I was skeptical at first.  My boss told me about it, and he described it as "Orgasmic".  And let's face it, when a man tells you something is orgasmic, you're skeptical.

 

Well I'm here to tell you that it is.  Orgasmic.  It's the best hot cocoa that has ever, ever been made.  It's not even powder, it's little shavings of chocolate that melt in your hot milk, and you whisk it all together and it's beyond delicious.  But wait!  You need the marshmallows too:

The marshmallows are HUGE, and they melt into this foamy goop, you won't even believe it.  Really, I can't explain how good it is.  It tastes like melted brownies.  It tastes like how brownies smell when they're baking, but converted into warm liquid form.  You just have to try it for yourself.  Please, try it.  I need your cooperation in order to spread joy throughout the land.

 

Sadly, you might have to take on a second job, as it's not cheap.  In fact, it's outrageously expensive.  I promise you, it's worth every penny.  And, it's on sale!  Right now!  Go, buy it!!

 

Come on, if it made ME happy, it can make anyone happy.   Now, does anyone know where I can get a second job?

 

BUY ME!

posted by: AmericanGirl at 10:46 | link | comments (11) |

We picked out a really cool birthday for AB.  It coincides with the lighting of the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center.  It's been a long standing tradition that my brothers and I attend the tree lighting every year.  Well, we attend the general area of the tree before it's lit, until the crowds become so overbearingly annoying that we just head for our favorite Irish pub for the rest of the night.  But still, it's a tradition that holds more value than any of us will actually admit to, out loud.

 

It's a good birthday for many reasons.  1) It's a day that's special to me.  2) I wouldn't want to attend the tree lighting OR the Irish Pub in my current condition 3) It's in November, not December, so AB's birthday won't be lost in the Christmas shuffle 4) It's in NOVEMBER! 5) I'll be home from the hospital in time for our first wedding anniversary

 

Really, it's perfect.

 

So, I told my two dumb brothers.  (There goes that Y chromosome discrimination again - I swear it has nothing to do with my selection of targets)  And do you know what they said?  "Great!  Give us a call at the pub when the baby arrives."  What?  Now first of all that makes no sense, because they'll be at the pub at night, and I think (but what do I know) that a scheduled c-section would be during daylight hours, right?  So I started reminding them that I was in the hospital waiting room for every single one of THEIR children.  SIX times, to be specific.  So Dummy #1 tells me that it was different, because we had no choice but to wait, as labor is a lengthy process, and not a check-into-the-hospital-at-noon-and-have-the-baby-by-12:20 kind of thing.  So I reminded him that while he was off fighting crime somewhere years ago (cough..workaholic..cough, cough)  I actually drove his stupid ex-wife to the hospital, while her water broke in my car (non-leather seats, thank you very much) and she proceeded to scream at me the whole time, oh and by the way, I hate her!  But I still did it.

 

So Dummy #2 says he'll be glad to rush me to the hospital if my water breaks.  Because you still have a few hours, he says, and that's plenty of time for him to get here from the city.  JERKS!

 

Then they started laughing, and said of course they'll be in the waiting room.  But it's too late, because once I'm pissed off, I can't just put it in reverse like that.  Besides, I need to make them pay, and the cold shoulder is a good start.  So I left for my Dr. appointment.

 

And guess what?

 

AB has flipped.  Head down.  No more c-section for me.  I had a feeling, because I felt something really odd yesterday morning.  More than the typical kicks and stretches and hiccups.  Like my stomach was being turned inside out.  Sure enough, my mother's intuition has kicked in early.

 

You know, I had really just come to terms with this whole breech baby/c-section thing.  I really had.  It's like my mom says: "You plan; God laughs."  The universe is mocking me.  Again.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 12:02 | link | comments (17) |

I'm very unpleasant.  Not unhappy, exactly.  But unpleasant to be around.  Even for myself.  In fact, I can barely stand myself.  This means that people around me are not faring very well.

 

Do you have any idea what it's like to have someone's head jammed up tight under your rib cage?   It's very, very uncomfortable.  Forget all the other stuff about pregnancy that's less than fun.  I know we're supposed to glow and croon and gush about how it's all worth it in the end, and it's such a small price to pay, but I'm here to tell you that in all honestly, it SUCKS to have someone's head under your ribs.  It's not fun.  I'll even go so far as to say that I want this baby out.  O. U. T.  OUT.

 

This morning my brother sat at my table reading the newspaper, and I was trying to think - trying to make a list of things I needed to remember.  Only I couldn't think, because first he was crinkling the paper in the most annoyingly loud way.  And once he finally got that delicate art of New York Post Origami settled, I could hear him breathing.  Loudly.  And I must have had some kind of physical reaction because he finally looked at me and said "What's your problem?" and I slammed both hands down on the table and asked/shouted "How loudly does one need to BREATHE anyway?"

 

Yeah, it's just that kind of day.

 

So later on I was looking for something in the kitchen, and I accidently knocked down a bottle of hot sauce.  Through some insane fluke of gravity, it fell four feet to the floor, smashed into a million pieces, and spattered it's contents all over my very favorite maternity pants, my brand new shiny white socks, every shelf in the pantry, the kitchen door, the walls, and my dining room carpet.   I already washed my clothes, and guess what?  The stain's not coming out.  Which leaves me with...oh, ONE pair of pants that's still almost comfortable to last the rest of the month.   And the smell!  Can I tell you about the smell of hot sauce wafting through my house?  Nothing gets rid of it.  Nothing.

 

Ryan had the unfortunate timing of calling while I was in the middle of cleaning the rug, and got stuck with the unanswerable question: "Why do we even have hot sauce in the house?  I can't think of one time we've ever used it.  And I just know that I wouldn't have bought hot sauce home and left it teetering on the edge of the shelf like that."  I heard the fire alarm sound before he could answer, but between you and me, I think he pulled the alarm himself.

 

Grrrrr!

 

If I'm mean to you in the next month or so, please don't take it personally.  You are not alone.  Maybe you can all start a support group or something.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 18:55 | link | comments (20) |

Happy Birthday Rustymadgal!!

 

 

posted by: AmericanGirl at 10:59 | link | comments (1) |

Please help me!  I have this fancy, shmancy wedding.  I'm trying to avoid looking like an extra large sack of potatoes.  I'm going to let you pick a dress for me!  (My husband has veto power, sorry!) 

 

Please tell me which one you love best:

A:

 

 

B:

 

C:

 

D:

 

E:

 

**Edited to add one more - Thanks 120 Pages!!**

 

F:

 

G:  None of the above

 

Keep in mind that I'm more pregnant than any of these models!  Help!!

posted by: AmericanGirl at 13:24 | link | comments (37) |

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  ~Plato

 

This quote is on the bulletin board in my nephew's preschool class, listed under "Pearls of Wisdom".  I really like it.  What a great reminder, for 4 year olds and 40 year olds alike.

 

We've done the math, and Ryan and I have discovered that after his work schedule and various social events we have coming up, we only have 10 nights alone left.  10 NIGHTS!  That's nothing!  And that's not even counting the fact that I'll probably be urged to have the baby a week early via c-section.  So it could be even less. 

 

Of course it's not as though we're not going to be together after the baby arrives, because of course we will.  That stinker gets more paternity leave than I get maternity leave, so we'll have plenty of time without our presky jobs pulling us away.  But at the same time, we're not fooling ourselves into thinking that it's going to be the same as it is now.  Not that it's going to be worse, just that it's going to be very, very different.  Ten more nights.  Eeep!

 

One of the events coming up is a wedding.  A fancy shmancy wedding at a fancy shmancy place in the city.  I've waited all my life to finally know someone rich enough to get married there!  And now that I finally do, I'm going to be almost 9 months pregnant and I literally (I'm not just being girly here, I mean it!) have nothing to wear.  I don't even know if they make maternity formal wear, but doggone it, I'm going to find out.  Please AB, stay put so I can attend!!

 

We're still planning a c-section.  Unless a miracle occurs and AB decides to flip.  I've come to accept that fact.  When I start to get blue about it, I just keep repeating this:  Episiotomy.  Episoitomy.  Episiotomy.  I don't want one.  Also, last Friday I had contractions. Honest to goodness contractions that took my breath away.  (Apparently, I was dehydrated.)  And guess what?  Contractions SUCK!  I don't want them either.  Nope.  Bring on the nice, body numbing drugs so I can meet my beautifully round-headed baby the easy way.

 

I thought there was something else I wanted to say, but now I can't remember.  So, this ending will be rather abrupt.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 13:22 | link | comments (6) |

I've just been way too busy to keep up here - sorry!  You'll understand in a minute.

On Friday I had to actually travel to my office for a meeting.  I know - The horrors!  When I got there the very odd receptionist almost peed on herself.  "Oh!  You're HERE!  Oh my God, you're here.  Ok.  Let me tell them that YOU"RE HERE!"  Sadly, this reaction is not entirely unusual for her, except that usually she runs across the lobby to hug me at the same time, and on this day, she ran back towards the conference room instead, leaving me all alone. 

Literally, all alone, because the office was strangely empty.  So I thought I was late.  Maybe I had an episode of D.I.P.S (Dumbness Induced by Pregnancy Syndrome) and had totally messed up the time of this very important meeting.  So I tried to look important and serious and only slightly apologetic due to my extreme importantness, and walked back to the conference room where there was a baby shower.  For me!  Oh yeah, I'm about to have a baby!

It was great fun.  All of our vendors who like to offer gifts throughout the year to make me think of them when it comes to the important decisions about who to give millions of dollars of business to were there, and they all tried to outdo each other with lavish gifts.  Poor American Baby is not even going to know she/he comes from working class roots as she/he is swaddled in silk blankets and being groomed with sterling silver vanity items.

Great fun, right? 

Saturday was even more fun, because we had my brother's annual Halloween Party.  And by some miracle, Ryan actually had the whole day off!  We went with a themed costume, I was a very pregnant Britney Spears, and he was a very convincing Kevin Federline.  We got there, and I was already bitching about my stupid shoes, because we had to park a block away and they were already killing my feet.  The outside of the house was all decked out in Halloween grandeur, and the inside was all decked out for...a baby shower!  And of course, we were the only idiots in costumes.   How funny is that?  My family is SO mean!  It was ridiculous.  It was TOTALLY something I would do to any one of them.  I was completely floored.  I have my nose in everyone's business, how on earth did they pull that off without me finding out?  I laughed so hard that my cheeks are still sore.

Sunday was the REAL Halloween party.  My feet were still swollen from the aforementioned stupid shoes, but they were so Britney-esque, I wore them again.  Beauty costs.  Good times.

Yesterday I went to meet the new family, AKA Ryan's new firehouse.  The minute they saw how pregnant I was, they started a pool about when the baby would be born.  These are totally my kind of people!  They're certainly not the familiar firehouse family that I've come to know and love, but they have definite potential.  They get along well with Ryan, and they seem to have just the right amount of respect that it seems genuine and not forced.  It's a very busy house, so we didn't stay long, but it's a load off my mind. 

Then of course there was Halloween, ghosts, goblins, trick or treaters, and way too much candy and fun to be had last night. 

So, here I am.  And that's why I haven't posted.  Miss me?

posted by: AmericanGirl at 11:26 | link | comments (19) |

Template by motime.com