American Girl

She waits another week to fall apart...

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. ~ Thomas Paine

Two things happened today.  I met a new baby girl who was born last night.  She has a full head of black hair that sticks out every which way, and a dimple in her chin just like her dad.  She is beautiful and perfect and lucky and new, and I had to put her down and go back to work because she makes me think that maybe just one more baby would be nice.  New babies are catchy.

Then I got a phone call, which I missed, followed by an email detailing the sudden end of my best friend's marriage.  You may remember her as the girl who wasn't feeling the "spark".  When she finally mustered up the nerve to talk to her husband, and suggest they find a counselor to work on their marriage, he confessed that he's got "romantic feelings" (WTF, call it what it is, Asshole) for another woman and has for the past year, and he's done with the marriage.  The past YEAR!  I am shocked and sad and disillusioned and angry and sad and heartbroken and sad.

This is day three of no meds and my feelings are coming back.  Scary.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 18:54 | link | comments (20) |

Didn't mean to keep you in suspense.   (I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat.)

Ryan has conquered chicken pox, he went back to work today.  The super secret thing was that I was supposed to host a baby shower  last Saturday, and Ryan was still flat on his back all day Thursday, so I didn't know what I was going to do with all those people, most of whom I don't even know.  (It was a firehouse thing)   I couldn't mention it because I was afraid interested parties might have access to my blog.  I couldn't really reschedule because the pregnant momma is due this week.  (Slackers, I know)  Ryan ended up ok-ish on Friday, and even better Saturday, past the contagious stage for sure, so we went ahead with our plans to have it here.  I practically pulled an all-nighter bleaching my entire house, and the weather was nice enough that we could air it out and even make people overflow into the back yard once they got here.  It doesn't sound very stressful now that I just typed it out, but believe me, it was.

I didn't hire my all-in-one assistant, but a girl can dream, right?

I could actually use another project to throw myself into.  You know, aside from child rearing, and work, and the obvious stuff.  I don't do well when there's "stuff" going on at Ground Zero, and this was a nice distraction.  In the last week, I've gotten all these emails; "Make the perfect give for mom this year", "Just for Mom; the Williams-Sonoma personalized Apron", "There's still time to make Mom smile, with free shipping!" "Make a mug for mom!" and they go on and on and on and I wish I could hit reply to each one and tell them that every time they send me these messages the small part of my heart that's still pink and fleshy and beating turns black and crispy and very soon there won't be any fleshy pink parts left.  I suppose I could put the words "mom and mother" on my spam filter, but it just seems so heatbreakingly sad to do so.  And besides, there's always the off chance that some of the people who used to be my friends but have dropped like flies because my mom died and they don't know what to say or what to do so they say and do nothing might just drop me a line and say "Mother's Day sucks and I'm thinking about you" but it's doubtful, huh? 

Funny thing about death, after 9/11 I had all kinds of people falling all over themselves trying to be my friend and feel a connection to the tragedy, but now, a quiet death from cancer, and everyone just fades into the background.  I guess it's not interesting enough.

Not that I'm bitter.  Or anything.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 12:19 | link | comments (6) |

I bet you've been wondering what the girls got Ryan for his birthday.  Chicken Pox!  I don't think we'll ever solve the mystery of how someone can live  37 years on this planet and not get them without having some sort of freak immunity, but on the (very dim) bright side, at least he's immune now!   I guess if a week full of moaning and crying and whining and itching and not sleeping  (and the girls were upset too) means we'll never have to live through this hell again, maybe it was almost partially worth it.  Nah, doubt it.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to go off my meds.

Ryan was prescribed an anti-viral drug that's supposed to help ease adult chicken pox, and is used to treat Herpes to boot.  I told him great, now we can get a kayak and live a great, active, happy life like those people in the Herpes commercials!  He so doesn't think I'm funny, but some day he'll look back at this and laugh.  Or at least not want to kill me.

I have this big secret thing going on and I'm about to spontaniously combust because it's not going according to plan for all sorts of reasons and it's all on me to make it work and I have no idea how I'm going to do it and I only have till tomorrow to figure it out.  I need a masseuse, a chauffeur, a nurse, a nanny, a personal trainer, a party planner, a personal assistant, someone who's able to spit out about 16 performance reviews and also fire my receptionist who's been caught putting herbal shit in our drinking water AGAIN, a cabana boy, and someone's who's willing to research and book me a quiet, tropical vacation which I will take, alone.

I'll be accepting applications all day.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 13:31 | link | comments (8) |

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