American Girl

She waits another week to fall apart...

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American girls are weather and noise....

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. ~ Thomas Paine

Ryan got this thing in the mail, an advertisement for "Nutrition Action Health Letter".  It boasts, on the envelope, "10 FOODS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT!"   So of course, you have to look.  You wanna know, don't ya?  It's an interesting list.

1) Pepperidge Farm Flakey Crust Chicken Pot Pie - The problem with this product is that the lable is misleading.  It might not sound too bad, at 450 calories and 7 grams of saturated fat, but that's for ONE serving.  Which is half.  But they're small, so everyone eats the entire thing.  Kind of like when you read the label of Ben and Jerry's, and it says it's seven servings.  Yeah, right.  Sure it is.  They don't put that stuff in containers just the right size for you hand for nothing.  As a matter of fact, in the superrmarket last week I saw what they called an "Ice Cream Cozy".  It's a rubbery sleeve, in pretty colors, that you can slip right over your pint of ice cream, so your hand doesn't get too cold while you eat it.  Seven servings, my Aunt Fanny.  But I digress; Ben and Jerry aren't even on the list.  Sorry guys.

2)  Chex Milk'n Cereal Bars - They say that filling is made with real milk.  But it's actually sugar, with a little bit of nonfat milk, lactose, and palm kernel oil.  Yum.  Real Chex has five grams of fiber, whilst the bar has zero.  (But just try eating a real bowl of cereal while driving your car)

3)  McGriddles - This three inch sandwich packs in 550 calories, and 1300 mg of sodiyum.  Sorry, Sodium.  11 grams of saturated fat.  Bad sandwich.  Very, very bad.

4)  The Big New Yorker Pizza from Pizza Hut - You know what, I agree with this one.  Get your New York pizza from a New York Pizzaria.  Pizza Hut just can't compare.  Besides, I once found a piece of black plastic on my Pizza Hut pizza.  It looked like a black olive. It wasn't.  What's worse - the manager said they don't use anything to make the pizza that's made out of black plastic.  Stay away.  Pizza Hut is Satan's pizza.

5)  Mrs. Field's Milk Chocolate and Walnuts Cookie - One little cookie has over 300 calories and as much saturated fat as  a 12 ounce sirloin steak.  (But it tastes much, much better)

6)  Starbucks Venti Mocha Coconut Frappucino Blended Coffee - You know what?  Starbucks is an evil corporation that must be stopped.  Not just this drink (which has a whopping 26 grams of fat!!) but all of it.  They're evil, horrible places that employ evil, horrible people.  They charged rescue workers $130 for bottled water in downtown Manhattan on the morning of 9/11.  'Nuff said.

7)  Burger King Fries - These are the most unhealthy of all the fast food fries.  They're also the nastiest tasting fries.  The onion rings are actually healthier.  Go for the onion rings instead.

8)  Campbell's Red and White Label Condensed Soups - Wait a minute, condensed?  As in, you're supposed to add water?  Hmmm.  (Just kidding)  Half a can averages half a person's recommended daily intake of sodiyum.  Sodium.  Like that's a bad thing.

9)  Swoops - You know what these are, right?  They're the Pringles of candy.  They're shaped like Pringles, but they taste like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.  Or a Peppermint Patty.  How do they do that?    With a high saturation of palm and/or palm kernel oil, that's how.  Somehow, Reese's Swoops have twice as much saturated fat as a real Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.  Be healthy, eat a real Peanut Butter Cup.

10)  Häagen-Dazs Mint Chip Dazzler - How impressed are you that I typed ä correctly?  Anyway, this combo of ice cream, hot fudge, Oreos, chocolate sprinkles, and whipped cream has two days worth of fat.  If you don't eat anything else for two days, you'll probably be ok.

So, there you have it.  Ten foods you should never eat.  But that's not the best part.  They offer "alternatives".  Don't eat those toxic foods, they say.  Eat our recommened foods, and be happy and healthy.  Want to hear their list?

1) Cantaloupe

2) Sweet Potatoes

3)  Fat Free Milk

4)  Kellog's All-Bran, or Post 100% Bran

5) Oranges

6)  Broccoli

7)  Whole Grain Bread

8)  Watermelon

9)  Beans

10)  Spinach or Kale

Yeah, I feel like have a McGriddle for breakfast, but I think I'll have some Kale instead.    That'll be satisfying.  Are they kidding? 

posted by: AmericanGirl at 17:06 | link | comments (25) |

Comments:

#1  31 March 2005 - 17:14

 

They absolutely losy me on non-fat milk. I tried that stuff. I really did. Tastes like dirty water to me. Nope, if I'm gonna drink cow juice, I want whole milk. Actually, what I really love is unflavored Russian kefir and the thing about that stuff (which you can drink or eat with a fork) is that the lowfat and even non-fat varieties are still good. Too bad I can't get it in a supermarket.

Jheka

#2  31 March 2005 - 17:17

 

Do I even want to know what kefir is? Does it come from an animal? You know what? Don't tell me.

AmericanGirl

#3  31 March 2005 - 17:19

 

Does it come from an animal?!?

Let's just say that you don't want to know what I put in my juicer :) .

Jheka

#4  31 March 2005 - 17:28

 

AmericanGirl

#5  31 March 2005 - 17:31

 

I've got three words for you:
Silk Soy Creamer.
YUM. I swear.

120pages

#6  31 March 2005 - 17:41

 

OMG! I have been a victim of the Pepperidge Farm yada yada pot pie scam! I carefully read nutrition labels, but I never thought to look for NUMBER OF SERVINGS PER CONTAINER on a POT PIE!!! I took three bites, realized it tasted WAY too good to be low fat, and grabbed the container for a second look. We were hungry, however, and it tasted so good, we ate it anyway. But never again! That is so deceitful!

And I agree with the principles behind boycotting Starbucks and Nike, but only Nike makes the shoes I love, and I wear them to Starbucks to get the Venti Mocha Chocolate Chip Frappucino and the Venti Caramel Macchiato that I am seriously addicted to. (blushes with shame).

And I've only eaten 3 items on the healthy list in the past week. But it's too late for me to die young, and if I do go before my time, at least I'll exit happy!

InMyLife

#7  31 March 2005 - 21:56

 

You might want to add number 11) Beano, to list.

:o)

Muskrat28

#8  01 April 2005 - 01:21

 

I have none of the first list in the house and have never had 5 of them.

Of the second list, I've got 5 in the house, and like [as in prefer] most of them.

I'm an incredibly unhealthy git, though, so just never mind.

Kefir is like a yogurt-cream, isn't it? Are you lactose-intolerant, Jheka?

Urthshu

#9  01 April 2005 - 02:25

 

Oh no...your list has just taken away my entire diet and now i guess i'm just gonna have to starve!! hehe Let's face it, if it taste good, it's probably not healthy!

ugapeach04

#10  01 April 2005 - 03:10

 

I went to the greengrocer today and got healthy fruits and vegetables. Then after eating my salad, I succumbed to a solid milk chocolate bunny.

And my ex feeds the girls those cereal bars and I have long objected. They are brainwashed, and have always said, "Mom, they are just like cereal." Yeah, and Corn Pops are low in sugar. It is late and I am still working. Drinking coffee at night. I never drink coffee at night. Harumph.

Leigh

#11  01 April 2005 - 03:12

 

I've just finished working for the night. And I finished a GIANT Hershey's Dark Chocolate bar. Did I mention that I don't like dark chocolate? But hubby was kind enough to share with PMS woman.

InMyLife

#12  01 April 2005 - 03:19

 

What are we all doing up so late?

AmericanGirl

#13  01 April 2005 - 03:20

 

Wrapping up the work and commiserating? I could use a glass of wine...that time of month again...of course you wouldn't know about that, would you, T?

InMyLife

#14  01 April 2005 - 03:22

 

Oh, and as if my life weren't dismally boring enough already, milktea has to rub it in with her story about Keanu Reeves. I am SOOO jealous!!!

InMyLife

#15  01 April 2005 - 03:23

 

I know ALL about it. At least you can have wine.

AmericanGirl

#16  01 April 2005 - 03:25

 

You will again too, sweetie. Nine months seem like an eternity when you're in them, but the rest of your life will go at warp speed. Trust me on this.

xoxoxo

InMyLife

#17  01 April 2005 - 15:29

 

Can I just compromise and take a few from each list?
Hey! Thanks for the wish :)

MizLiciouss

#18  01 April 2005 - 16:23

 

Check out this odd disclaimer on edibly flaky wafers.

Pooklekufr

#19  01 April 2005 - 16:32

 

Ok, a disclaimer like that can only mean that they're edible, but not made from any food products, right? Yikes!!

And, if you're the same "Tom" who made the comment about fat chunks floating in bottled water, thanks. I'm about to lose my lunch.

AmericanGirl

#20  01 April 2005 - 16:53

 

Speaking of things with high fat content... how's the Easter candy situation? (I know, it's not Monday yet... but still.)

ButterflyLane

#21  01 April 2005 - 20:50

 

"Pizza Hut is Satan's pizza." Truer words have never been said...

Mo'nonymous

#22  01 April 2005 - 20:57

 

I'm going to hit one out of the park just for you! Derek

Mo'nonymous

#23  02 April 2005 - 08:07

 

(trying not act too smug...) I live in a country where 9 of those blood curdling products are not (yet) available and as far as the second list is concerned we're batting 1.000. I use 2% milk, though. (Burger King, although relatively rare, does exist. McDonalds is here, and very easy to find, but I doubt as though McGriddles is on the menu. Although I do not frequent Mickey Dee's unless forced to by groups of Italian friends who cannot resist, just to give you an idea of the localization, they serve beer and have coffee machines that produce espressi and cappuccini about one million times better than Starbucks, which has not yet DARED to invade Italy with their overpriced and long-named liquids.)

howard

#24  02 April 2005 - 08:58

 

You failed, Howard. That is soooo smug, and I am soooo jealous. Italy is number one on our list of places to go.

InMyLife

#25  02 April 2005 - 14:30

 

But does your McDonald's have a pianist, Howard? There's one downtown that does. Right off of Wall Street, I believe. He plays piano for the lunch crowd. Very fancy. It also has a ticker so you can keep an eye on the stock market as you consume an entire day's worth of fat and sodium. (Sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen)

AmericanGirl

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