American Girl

She waits another week to fall apart...

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American girls are weather and noise....

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. ~ Thomas Paine

So, I have one of those "What would you do?" type situations.  Particularly for the men, but really anyone.

On Friday I took the kids to the firehouse for a visit.  My nephew brought along this little stuffed bear that he's especially fond of some of the time.  (He's very fickle at the ripe old age of almost four)  At some point the bear was handed off to Ryan, who stuck it in his back pocket.

Now there's this girl who walks by the firehouse every day on her way to/from school. So she's in high school - let's assume she's about 16 or so.  She has a history of being a bit of a pain in the ass around there.  As much as they try to be polite yet distant, she typically tries to figure out some obnoxious thing to do to get their attention if she can.  Usually she's with a couple of friends, and it's just somewhat of a game to her/them, I guess. 

So on this day, Ryan was out by the open bay door and she saw the bear in his back pocket and grabbed it.  He tried to peacefully get it back, explained it was his nephew's bear, etc...but she thought it was a fun game, which is pretty typical of her.  She would pass it back and fourth between her friends, at one point she put it under her shirt, and then she ran, probably hoping he would chase her, which he didn't do. 

So now the bear is gone.    This has been the source of much angst, for both the little guy and the big guy.  But really, what could he have done differently?  Like he said, it's not like he could have wrestled her for it.  (Which is probably exactly what she wanted him to do)  Now, if I were there at the time, I totally would have kicked her ass. LOL   But I was inside and unaware, and I can just picure the FDNY scandal that would ensue if Ryan so much as invaded her personal space, so we're stuck.

So the question is, should we let it go and let my nephew be sad?  Every couple of hours he sighs and says "I sure miss my bear" and it's breaking my heart.  There's an excellent chance that the subject will come up this afternoon when this girl walks by again.  Would it be bad of Ryan to threaten her?  How about having a faux police presence?  (Which could be arranged, and would probably scare the crap out of her, but of course it's totally inapropriate, even if she deserves it and could benefit from a scare like that.)  It's important to be politically correct, I suppose, but at the same time I wonder what lesson we're teaching the kids here - all of them.  Do I need to go down there and beat on her?     

So, what would you do?

posted by: AmericanGirl at 14:57 | link | comments (18) |

Comments:

#1  02 May 2005 - 15:03

 

This kind of behavior you might expect from junior high, not high school, so this girl must really have some problems. Probably best to drop it and ignore her. She apparently will have to learn her lessons the hard way someday.

As to the bear, I'd take him out and let him choose Bear the Second. That way he still feels he has some control over the situation, and since the bear was a sometimes attachment, it probably won't be a huge leap in loyalties.

You're really getting a crash course here, aren't you? Hang in there!

InMyLife

#2  02 May 2005 - 15:14

 

She probably has a crush on the firemen or something.
I think its probably a job for the captain to handle, if he's alright with it. She goes by the firehouse at reegular intervals, right? Walking back from school and such? He should buttonhole her outside, be very courteous, invite her & her friends in, sit 'em down for a soda & a talk. Be sure he has photos of your nephew with his best sad look on to ply her with, and make sure everybody else is aware of what he's going to do before he does it.
Its just public relations, you know.

Urthshu

#3  02 May 2005 - 16:13

 

Just to confuse you with choices, I'll offer yet another course of action. Next time she walks by Ryan just needs to call her over, in public and in plain view, of course, and simply tell her that the kid whose bear she stole is sad and she needs to give it back. Nice and simple. The key is his attitude and the look in his eyes. Serious. Parental. Definitive. Matter of fact. Business as usual.

The point is not to give her too much attention, not to invest too much in her behavior, not to play any games in the process and to set an example as to how things can be set right.

In the meantime, I'd get a new bear, as IML suggests.

howard

#4  02 May 2005 - 16:21

 

yeah, what howard said. no games. justice. and if that doesn't work, call her mother.

Leigh

#5  02 May 2005 - 17:21

 

Much as I'd love to say "bring on the cops"... I think Howard is right. Course, if that doesn't work, I'd be tempted to snap a picture of her and hang posters all around the fire station and school with titles like "thief" and "bear-napper"... maybe humiliation would work.

ButterflyLane

#6  02 May 2005 - 18:08

 

My idea- hire some elementary school kids as a mercenary army to fight for the bear. Picture a massive battle like Braveheart, little kids swarming around her with blue faces screaming "Give me the bear or give me death!"

OT

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Pooklekufr

#7  02 May 2005 - 19:50

 

I agree with Howard. Though I'd ask for the firecaptain to come out with you if at all possible.

And on a side note, what a tool!

Mo'nonymous

#8  02 May 2005 - 20:17

 

Definitely get the bear back! Sure, she's young, and obviously dumb, but she needs to know that no one (least of all the uncle of a four year old :) ) will put up with behaviour that bad!! And I think the fire captain is a good idea...actually, I think having as many guys there as will participate would be best! I hope the little guy gets his bear back!

jlhpisces

#9  02 May 2005 - 20:49

 

I'd like to show that bear stealing Lolita how we handle things in the trailer park.

rustymadgal

#10  03 May 2005 - 07:23

 

I don't cut the girl a break. She's an asshole, plain and simple - and a bully. She uses the fact that she's a 16 year old girl to bully grown men. If I were Ryan I would ask her once to give the bear back that very afternoon (the next time he sees her. If and when she doesn't, I'd put on my dress blues and stroll over to the HS during the day and have a talk with the principle, explaining that this little thief is causing trouble for firefighters who, obviously, cannot deal with her physically. Have her mother called in and have the thief instructed to:

a. give the bear back immediately
b. Write a written apology to your nephew for stealing his bear and
c. not walk by the firehouse after school again under penalty of detention or whatever punishment is deemed appropriate.

In a just world, Ryan would be able to pop her in the mouth and take the bear but the world isn't just, so appealing to a higher authority (the principle) will have to do.

Jheka

#11  03 May 2005 - 08:06

 

Let me get this straight... in a just world we'd teach our kids that the way adults solve problems is to pop kids in the mouth? (Btw, it's princiPAL.)

howard

#12  03 May 2005 - 11:04

 

In a just world, bear-napping hooligans get tarred and feathered and depilated and exiled to lonely salt deserts.

Pooklekufr

#13  03 May 2005 - 12:56

 

In a just world... this hooligan would probably be a better-behaved individual and the whole point would be moot.

ButterflyLane

#14  03 May 2005 - 14:04

 

Ok, first of all, that pregnancy thing is hysterical. At my next appointment, I'm going to demand my epidural.

The answer was a combination of Howard's advice, Urthshu's advice, and a bit of peer pressure sprinkled in for good measure. (Confronting her in front of her friends, who had sympathy for the little boy she stole from.)

To be fair, if you're going to call Jheka out, you have to call me out too. I did say I would have kicked her ass. :D She's old enough to know right from wrong, what's appropriate and what's not, and how to take advantage of people and situations. Sooner or later, someone is going to pop her in the mouth. (Might as well be me. :D)

And Pooklekufr, you have such a way with words! Next time I really need to insult someone, I'm going to consult you for the proper wording.

AmericanGirl

#15  03 May 2005 - 21:46

 

Yup, in a just world, we'd have a bit more direct justice ... a little closer to Hobbes' state of nature. Bullies and jerks use society's conventions to pervert justice and take advantage of people, just as this girl did.

I remember when I was about eleven years old and attending P.S. 139 in Queens, NY. There were a bunch of boys one grade ahead who were vicious bullies. Just bad, bad people, even at age 12 or 13 or so. Not being bright enough to back down, even then, I came home with black eyes on a fairly regular basis. I remember one day when my mom, who is 5'2" when her hair is especially poofy, had enough and came down to the school to have a chat with Charles, the lead bully. And when I say "have a chat, I don't mean in the principal's office. She took this kid, who was probably bigger than her and who was surrounded by his friends, and threw him up against a concrete wall outside of the school and then, pinning him there by holding his jacket in her two little fists, she made threats so sincere that you could see the terror spreading across that little thug's face and so explicit that I really cannot repeat them on this family blog.

Today she would probably get arrested for that but that was a less civilized, more just time and she was from a far less civilized world where a modicum of direct justice was valued.

Jheka

#16  04 May 2005 - 01:45

 

the thing about girl bullies is that it's psychological rather than physical (most of the time). I don't think physical threats work on girl bullies, if, for no other reason, they know that you won't act on it. She knows the game she plays, she knows how to work the crowd, it's a lot harder to measure "direct justice" against that sort of thing. If we're doing the same sort of "eye for an eye" justice then going physical doesn't work in this situation and that's why I think it was harder to know what to do.

Oh god, it sounds so lame, but honestly, rent "Mean Girls" and it can be a mildly accurate way of how some 16 year old females think. And at least that way you can ogle Lindsay Lohan.

DJGroovySlug

#17  04 May 2005 - 11:31

 

Hey guys, it is just a little goil. Maybe she needs a friend.

Leigh

#18  04 May 2005 - 14:10

 

or a teddy sporting a fire hat?

Leigh

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